I didn't go back to sleep after all.
Fck.
It's gonna be a long day.
4 classes.
Test to make.
Still, after next week, I lose two classes per week, cos the third years will be graduating, so my schedule will be lighter, ergo, if I keep waking up at 2am, it won't be so bad.
I think I need to relax for a bit upon retirement. Fly out to Thailand, me thinks. Go down to Sananwan. Decompress. Think about where I am heading.
I could do one month in Thailand and then head to Mexico, splash after doing the usual checks, and then relax in the bay - and beyond when crew are available- until it starts to get hot, and then, if I have crew, stay in the Sea, and if I don't have crew, unsplash and go to Africa, where it will be nice and cool, what with it being autumn/winter, go to Kenya to see Bel, pop down to South Africa to see friends there.
I could also get some gigs on other boats, instead of going to Africa, but we shall see.
Sailing on my own boat is the best medicine but I'd be up for long crossings, hmmmm, indeed, arghhhhh, there are so many things I could do, I could even not do any of the above, and instead try to get a crew position on a boat crossing the South Pacific in the spring of 2012. That would be better, me thinks, to do reconnaissance for my own trip.
All of the above is if I am single.
If I am with him, I am not sure what I am supposed to be looking forward to.
He just asks me what I want to do but I'd rather have input from him, too.
I want to feel excited about planning things.
This is a very important part of my life, the run-up.
I am lucky, eh, to be nearing freedom.
Now all I need is something concrete, pardon the pun, to look forward to.
Fck.
It's gonna be a long day.
4 classes.
Test to make.
Still, after next week, I lose two classes per week, cos the third years will be graduating, so my schedule will be lighter, ergo, if I keep waking up at 2am, it won't be so bad.
I think I need to relax for a bit upon retirement. Fly out to Thailand, me thinks. Go down to Sananwan. Decompress. Think about where I am heading.
I could do one month in Thailand and then head to Mexico, splash after doing the usual checks, and then relax in the bay - and beyond when crew are available- until it starts to get hot, and then, if I have crew, stay in the Sea, and if I don't have crew, unsplash and go to Africa, where it will be nice and cool, what with it being autumn/winter, go to Kenya to see Bel, pop down to South Africa to see friends there.
I could also get some gigs on other boats, instead of going to Africa, but we shall see.
Sailing on my own boat is the best medicine but I'd be up for long crossings, hmmmm, indeed, arghhhhh, there are so many things I could do, I could even not do any of the above, and instead try to get a crew position on a boat crossing the South Pacific in the spring of 2012. That would be better, me thinks, to do reconnaissance for my own trip.
All of the above is if I am single.
If I am with him, I am not sure what I am supposed to be looking forward to.
He just asks me what I want to do but I'd rather have input from him, too.
I want to feel excited about planning things.
This is a very important part of my life, the run-up.
I am lucky, eh, to be nearing freedom.
Now all I need is something concrete, pardon the pun, to look forward to.
9 comments:
What does he think you should do?
'whatever makes me happy'
I'm not sure if this guy is an oblivious gold-plated hippy, ridiculously passive-aggressive or just emotionally dense, or maybe has too many dollars to see your point of view.
Tell him "get on board and leave Flag and mommy and toys behind...we're going pirating!"
Because letting him lead the dance is causing too much stumbling.
Rhys has a point. He does have his mother in her aging years to think about. Is he an only child? That can make the bond there even stronger. Never under estimate the power of a mother's connection to her son. He may tell you one thing and the truth is completely different. Same with her, she may also act one way around you and completely different when you leave the room. You NEVER know.
And yet it's quite possible to figure it out.
Maybe you have... and that's why you are doing the front crawl in the slough of despond.
Trust you, Perkins, to give me an opportunity to use the phrase "slough of despond". My wife says "Pilgrim's Progress" is not only the worst book she's ever read, but that it is ever possible to read. I might cite Bret Easton Ellis, but she has a point.
Might I add, after all these years...he still doesn't have a clue what you want? Umm haven't you been telling him and shouting it from the roof tops? I mean everything sounds so damn familiar here...You've already told him what you want...him throwing the ball back at you is his deflection because of his lack of commitment. You're both not on the same page...it's time that you both are.
He tells me he wants to be with me forever but then the rest is so wishy washy. We were supposed to be leaving Japan via truck, taking it over to Russia, overlanding, but the reality is that nothing got talked about these past few months re: such a HUGE adventure, that needs MONTHS of planning on SO MANY LEVELS, and it is this wishy washyness, after this fucking long year that I have hated, and with a huge need to finally travel at the end of it all, and not just wind back up on fcking carpet, that is making me wary of putting all my eggs back in his basket pre-retirement. So whilst I still love him heaps, I am trying to love and respect myself again more, to fix my head once and for all, and to plan something I know will happen, instead of waiting on him to make it happen.
This is the difference in men and women. Men like to work the details to death, they also don't have the balls to tell us that what we think is a great plan is wrought with failure. Women see what they want but don't really see the tiny things that could possibly side line such a huge plan of action. We see the beginning and the end, they see the shit in the middle. If he's being wishy washy it's because he can see something that could be bad in the middle. Ask him, flat out, what he sees as something that could go wrong with an overland trip. Be open to his suggestions and he'll be more open to your ideas. I see this currently with my brother and his new bride. He is so afraid to tell her that they can't afford some of the plans she has for fear that he lets her down. So he just keeps his mouth shut and she keeps piling on the debt. Communication!!! But some times we women are doing all the talking and we have to stop and tell them we want to hear their point of view. But more importantly we have to LISTEN to their point of view, after all they listened to ours.
Rhys? What say you?
He was the one still saying we could go, it was me pointing out the details to him. In 9 weeks, plan the trip!! Buy the vehicle in Japan, with all the red tape, get import permits for other countries, etc.
Nope, it was me who brought it all down to earth because I refuse to have nothing tangible to look forward to, not this time, not after last time when he stayed mum on my retirement and then pissed off elsewhere, which is what ruined the relationship this past three years, so listening to his point of view, Judith, is a bit dodgy, because I now realise that I have to plan something, something practical, to be sure that I get to finally enjoy the retirement I didn't enjoy in 2009.
I am the real one.
Always have been.
Given that he is older than what I is, I am surprised that he isn't more direct about what he wants, too.
I feel 99 already, that I only have one year left, that time is running out, I feel that retiring at 43 is LATE in life to start really living it, but that is how I have always thought, which is why I found a job to begin with that would enable me to travel throughout my 'career'.
That 24 months of freedom I had, was wasted, so wasted, because we didn't talk about things. I ask him, 'why the fck didn't you ever talk about my boat and the trips we could do, why didn't you and I sit in the cockpit and talk about what we could do, what adventures we could have? and he said, 'I was working on your boat, fixing it, that should have said it all.'
I don't agree. Working on my boat doesn't equal him wanting to go sailing on her, crossing the Pacific and so on.
Anyway, I am standing back for a while and pretending that I am alone in life, in an attempt at getting excited about my retirement, thinking about where to go, what to do, all the things I wanted to do in 2009, but couldn't because he was silent about my impending freedom, which was the dumbest move he ever made.
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