After this weekend, and being totally comfortable with just hanging out by myself in a 7ft by 9ft space, in an acknowledged 'I am obviously a sick fck' kind of way, it is clear to me that I have switched off to life this year.
And it's getting more concentrated, this ability to survive within my own head.
Which is why I don't know what is going to happen when I am suddenly thrust into Social Central this coming Christmas.
Am I going to flip during the carol service?
"Why the fck are you wearing a suit, Minister! Where's the cassock!"
And so on.
School is my only social life.
Oh cry me a goddamn koi pond.
Which is why I have the 'Look of Nesbit' in class.
It is only during class time that I overflow with the desire to express myself.
But this starts to wane as soon as I am in my own company again, back in The Room, at Residence Kant.
I can quite happily spend an entire weekend just staring at the ceiling.
I don't even get my sex toy out.
The most active thing I do, apart from cycling around in circles, do my washing, and cook, is blog.
Like what I am doing now.
Like wtf.
I'm not sure why I do this - blog - I mean, there is no way that I will ever want to look back into the archives of this blog once I have left Japan.
It will be shelved under 'FUF' or 'Fucked Up Forget' for short.
Yet I need this outlet to stick my fingers into and go ZZZAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
I like typing. I like writing about stupid shit. Because that's what it is. Stupid shit.
Swings, food, fake beer, cycling. It's all stupid shit.
But I do it.
It's my window to jump through, to escape my reality, which isn't a bad reality; I'm earning freedom chips, my bed is cosy, I love my bath, I only have to pay 100 bucks a month for rent and all utilities. It's pretty peachy, I guess. Kind of. NOT.
Inside I am a fcking fcked up fcking crazy motherfcker.
Opps sorry.
Still, I guess it's exciting to be a fcking fcked up fcking crazy motherfcker.
At least it's not stuck-in-the-rutty fcked up.
Freedom is my juice.
And I will drink it.
.
That's all.
And it's getting more concentrated, this ability to survive within my own head.
Which is why I don't know what is going to happen when I am suddenly thrust into Social Central this coming Christmas.
Am I going to flip during the carol service?
"Why the fck are you wearing a suit, Minister! Where's the cassock!"
And so on.
School is my only social life.
Oh cry me a goddamn koi pond.
Which is why I have the 'Look of Nesbit' in class.
 |
| That curry thing I made |
It is only during class time that I overflow with the desire to express myself.
But this starts to wane as soon as I am in my own company again, back in The Room, at Residence Kant.
I can quite happily spend an entire weekend just staring at the ceiling.
I don't even get my sex toy out.
The most active thing I do, apart from cycling around in circles, do my washing, and cook, is blog.
Like what I am doing now.
Like wtf.
I'm not sure why I do this - blog - I mean, there is no way that I will ever want to look back into the archives of this blog once I have left Japan.
It will be shelved under 'FUF' or 'Fucked Up Forget' for short.
Yet I need this outlet to stick my fingers into and go ZZZAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
I like typing. I like writing about stupid shit. Because that's what it is. Stupid shit.
Swings, food, fake beer, cycling. It's all stupid shit.
But I do it.
It's my window to jump through, to escape my reality, which isn't a bad reality; I'm earning freedom chips, my bed is cosy, I love my bath, I only have to pay 100 bucks a month for rent and all utilities. It's pretty peachy, I guess. Kind of. NOT.
Inside I am a fcking fcked up fcking crazy motherfcker.
Opps sorry.
Still, I guess it's exciting to be a fcking fcked up fcking crazy motherfcker.
At least it's not stuck-in-the-rutty fcked up.
Freedom is my juice.
And I will drink it.
.
That's all.
1 comment:
And wine is your Kool-Aid, amirite?
Look on the bright side, Maria. You could be just as batshit-crazy paying $300/month and with the swings much, much farther away. Me, I would stare at the Little Ferris Wheel That Couldn't for hours, so easily hypnotized am I.
Anyway, if you're going to be fucked up in a foreign country, keep it well within budget. Divide your savings this year by fish tacos. It's 10 times more real than pension plans and you might be pleasantly surprised at how you can eat them into your 50s with the money you've saved.
After that it gets a bit cloudy, but que sera, sera.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvMkHb46oPc
or old-school:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQZNkzP4kYw
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