I just like writing to myself. This is a strange year. Living with myself, in myself, by myself. My only company has been that of the students and teachers at school.
I'm a pretty lively, smiley person, even when suicidal, but this year at school, I am extremely animated, I think this is because I spend the rest of my time here totally alone, either in 'my room', or cycling here, there, and everywhere, always alone.
I don't know how I do it, not after the highly social world I inhabited for two years on the water.
I think that I am a very strong person, with a powerful survival instinct.
This year is proving that to me.
I sometimes have fleeting feelings of pride for who I am, this creature able to get through this year.
Of course, it's an easy year compared to the years lived by those who have real problems to deal with in life, but just because one has health, and lots of other positive things going on, doesn't mean that life can't still be a struggle, in some way, shape or form.
A struggle. Ha. I've just cleansed my colonic tract, I am glowing as a result, I had a lovely forest-scented bath, my room is warm, the wine is delicious, my bed comfortable, the 'yutampo' a cosy companion, and tomorrow I am free.
What struggle?
I will stfu and count my blessings that I enjoy my job, that my new bike feels really great to ride, that I have so many wonderful things in my life, that I feel healthy and vital at 43, and well, life is damn good.
I have laughed a lot this week with my students, and sometimes with the teachers.
I came in from one class today, bitching about how some of the students still don't get it, but some of them do, and those who do make me feel that my job has a point, and I told the kids that they should feel proud of themselves for what they know now, compared to all they didn't know a few months ago, and the teacher said, 'Your style of teaching is great, Maria. You engage the kids with conversation, you take them outside of the textbook. The teacher who replaced you for two years, he stuck religiously to the text, your style is far better for the kids, hence you have seen improvement since April.' Or words to that effect.
It kinda made my day.
Made me want to come home and be celibate with a beer.
I'm a pretty lively, smiley person, even when suicidal, but this year at school, I am extremely animated, I think this is because I spend the rest of my time here totally alone, either in 'my room', or cycling here, there, and everywhere, always alone.
I don't know how I do it, not after the highly social world I inhabited for two years on the water.
I think that I am a very strong person, with a powerful survival instinct.
This year is proving that to me.
I sometimes have fleeting feelings of pride for who I am, this creature able to get through this year.
Of course, it's an easy year compared to the years lived by those who have real problems to deal with in life, but just because one has health, and lots of other positive things going on, doesn't mean that life can't still be a struggle, in some way, shape or form.
A struggle. Ha. I've just cleansed my colonic tract, I am glowing as a result, I had a lovely forest-scented bath, my room is warm, the wine is delicious, my bed comfortable, the 'yutampo' a cosy companion, and tomorrow I am free.
What struggle?
I will stfu and count my blessings that I enjoy my job, that my new bike feels really great to ride, that I have so many wonderful things in my life, that I feel healthy and vital at 43, and well, life is damn good.
I have laughed a lot this week with my students, and sometimes with the teachers.
I came in from one class today, bitching about how some of the students still don't get it, but some of them do, and those who do make me feel that my job has a point, and I told the kids that they should feel proud of themselves for what they know now, compared to all they didn't know a few months ago, and the teacher said, 'Your style of teaching is great, Maria. You engage the kids with conversation, you take them outside of the textbook. The teacher who replaced you for two years, he stuck religiously to the text, your style is far better for the kids, hence you have seen improvement since April.' Or words to that effect.
It kinda made my day.
Made me want to come home and be celibate with a beer.
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