I was so moved when my student came and gave me, not only her old school bag that she used from the age of 6 till 12, but loads of pens and pencils, too. I think this is what parents fill the first school bag of their child with - new pens and whatnot..
So yah, I was touched. I told her that I would cherish it. That is was more than just a bag.
That I will imagine her as a cute little kid - and they are soooooooooooo cute, believe me - carrying this bag back and forth to school each day for 6 years.
There's not a scratch on it.
How is that possible!
It's still got her name written on the tag, in hiragana, written by her mother. So sweet.
Wherever I end up going this winter vacation, I will find Yuri-chan a nice present.
Not sure what to do about the winter.
Whilst I love him, I feel that I might be too screwed up to go and be with him right now, there's too much crap in my head to make it a success, that instead I really needed him to come here for week at the end of this month, so we could decompress, get things off our chests, and then when I hop on the plane in late December, I won't have to worry about a thing. It pisses me off that he won't come. One week out of four damn months. I guess slowly but surely I am realising what a kinda sorta catch I am - not looks wise, of course - but the rest; clean colonic tract, deep thinker about the world, absolute non-sheeple, great at sockcuking, owner of a super ocean-going pleasure vessel and spare enema pipe, and so on, and I deserve some help when I need it, and I need it now, because I am having a breakdown, it's true, it's horrible, I talk to myself, cackle as I ride my bike to and from school, write bitchy comments on the blog of a chick in Japan who has casual sex each weekend, and most disturbing of all, I sing the 'Sakana Song' really loudly in the supermarkets, which is NOT a sign of sound mental health. WTF.
Plus I am stressed 24/7. Just like I was in the early days of my original retirement, which means I am still full of resentment for the recent past.
I want to feel excited. I'm not. It would have FIXED us if he'd come here before Xmas. God, arghhh, I want happy times.
Gah, I am so over feeling like this. I hate it. If I was single, I'd be booking a ticket in a flash to Nairobi, no doubt about it, to go and spend Christmas in the boondocks of Africa, in the Rift Valley, where life is simple.
I am not sure I want to go through taking my fcked up self to the USA, to more guessing, waiting on 'the question' and yes, he knows, blah, fucking blah, and anyway, I prefer traveling to going to the USA. Blah.
It doesn't turn me on. Been there, done that.
Sigh.
I will know more tomorrow.
Dinner was lovely.
Added some more tomatoes, fresh basil, coconut milk, bulked it up so that it's gonna last for at least two more meals. Will freeze it. Like my goya-heart feels.
So yah, I was touched. I told her that I would cherish it. That is was more than just a bag.
That I will imagine her as a cute little kid - and they are soooooooooooo cute, believe me - carrying this bag back and forth to school each day for 6 years.
There's not a scratch on it.
How is that possible!
It's still got her name written on the tag, in hiragana, written by her mother. So sweet.
Wherever I end up going this winter vacation, I will find Yuri-chan a nice present.
Not sure what to do about the winter.
Whilst I love him, I feel that I might be too screwed up to go and be with him right now, there's too much crap in my head to make it a success, that instead I really needed him to come here for week at the end of this month, so we could decompress, get things off our chests, and then when I hop on the plane in late December, I won't have to worry about a thing. It pisses me off that he won't come. One week out of four damn months. I guess slowly but surely I am realising what a kinda sorta catch I am - not looks wise, of course - but the rest; clean colonic tract, deep thinker about the world, absolute non-sheeple, great at sockcuking, owner of a super ocean-going pleasure vessel and spare enema pipe, and so on, and I deserve some help when I need it, and I need it now, because I am having a breakdown, it's true, it's horrible, I talk to myself, cackle as I ride my bike to and from school, write bitchy comments on the blog of a chick in Japan who has casual sex each weekend, and most disturbing of all, I sing the 'Sakana Song' really loudly in the supermarkets, which is NOT a sign of sound mental health. WTF.
Plus I am stressed 24/7. Just like I was in the early days of my original retirement, which means I am still full of resentment for the recent past.
I want to feel excited. I'm not. It would have FIXED us if he'd come here before Xmas. God, arghhh, I want happy times.
Gah, I am so over feeling like this. I hate it. If I was single, I'd be booking a ticket in a flash to Nairobi, no doubt about it, to go and spend Christmas in the boondocks of Africa, in the Rift Valley, where life is simple.
I am not sure I want to go through taking my fcked up self to the USA, to more guessing, waiting on 'the question' and yes, he knows, blah, fucking blah, and anyway, I prefer traveling to going to the USA. Blah.
It doesn't turn me on. Been there, done that.
Sigh.
I will know more tomorrow.
Dinner was lovely.
Added some more tomatoes, fresh basil, coconut milk, bulked it up so that it's gonna last for at least two more meals. Will freeze it. Like my goya-heart feels.
3 comments:
When life hands you a flare gun, fire it.
That's pretty awesome to be given that school bag. It almost seems too personal a gift. I thought Japanese parents always get their kids' school bags bronzed and are one of the few things that don't get thrown away in spite of the lack of storage space. I'd be very honoured too if I was given such a gift. No matter how polite we try to be, how Japanese, how much of a proper face we try to wear in every social situation, they always find a way to outclass us....naturally. While we may feel we've risen above the level of "gaigin", we're still just Inaka Mono in their eyes.
I know, Sok, I was really touched. I nearly cried, actually. I think it will be a lovely gift back to her to take pics of this bag around the world. And I love all the pens and pencils she gave me, too. I can give them to kids around the world, take a pic of the kid, send it to her, and so on.
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