I almost feel that I have no time left to do all the things I need to do - business kind of stuff, regarding my little empire, looking into visas etc - before leaving.
The end has suddenly crept up on me.
It's strange, but whilst I sense that I am on the cusp of happiness again, I feel more distraught than ever that this year ever happened.
It's been a true nightmare. Oh poor me, getting paid to do an easy job that I love, when millions of people would love a job right now.
But this is about emotions, not money.
And this past year has been the worst year of my life so far.
By leaps and bounds.
I was just sitting in the bath and I couldn't believe that I have only 'been out' 3 times this past academic year.
3 times since April.
That is fcked up.
But I have been strong enough to get through it.
I switched off.
I totally switched off.
Such a waste of my smile, such a waste of the good company I often provide.
Gah, fck this year.
Still, I will be richer, not poorer, and hopefully I will live for a few more years, enough years to never regret either 2008 or 2011.
Anyway, blah.
Not long to go.
From the morrow, I am embarking upon a regime to get myself fit, both mentally and physically, before departure.
I'm going to Duder my life.
I'm going to start running.
Bwhahahaha.
90 seconds walking.
60 seconds running.
For twenty minutes.
Around Tai Chi Kant Pond.
From tomorrow.
I'm also going to do standing push-ups whenever I see a wall and nobody is around.
I did some today. You can really feel your muscles responding in a good way.
Sod those push ups you do on the floor. Wall ones rock. Apparently, pirates do them.
OMG, this 'radio' thing is getting too much.
I just thought to myself, 'I am so fcking fat right now', and the radio said, 'FAT'.
Like wtf.
How did the word 'fat' slip into a broadcast about 'Alpine meadows in New Hampshire'.
I just don't get it.
Tigression.
I am not at all craving booze, like I needed it pre-winter vacation.
It's very strange, it's almost as if I'm possessed by a good spirit, pardon the pun, who wants to help fix me before departure, so that I can totally revel in my freedom.
I am going to get my atlas out and have a gander.
I feel like going somewhere I have never been before but I will probably go to Thailand first for a few weeks, just to decompress in familiar and friendly surroundings, and then use the cheap flights out of Bangkok to go somewhere. I fancy mountains. I might go to Tibet.
He can come and join me wherever I am, but I shall not rely on him to 'make plans' with me beforehand.
I cannot risk being let down again.
I have to retain control of this very important turning point in my life.
I cannot afford to be as miserable as I became in the first few months of retiring in 2009.
Those months were hell for me.
I was so terribly sad, I felt so terribly empty, so much so that I didn't even bother to take my camera with me when I did the visa run down to Malaysia.
Oh no, not again. It's the radio thing.
I just thought to myself, 'How absurd, Maria, that you left your camera at Sananwan, you, who loves taking photos of just about everything', and the radio said, 'absurd'. Wtf.
Anyway, blah.
I'm going to watch War Horse.
I started watching it last night but passed out almost immediately.
I don't have jet lag anymore but I am exhausted merely from thinking about my future.
Oh, cry me a koi pond.
By the way, there was a really powerful sudden single jolt this morning.
I froze in my bed. Waiting for more shakes to come.
But it was just the one jolt. A sideways jolt.
Strange.
The end has suddenly crept up on me.
It's strange, but whilst I sense that I am on the cusp of happiness again, I feel more distraught than ever that this year ever happened.
 |
| Damn. I forgot this Turkish throw. Might as well use it then. |
It's been a true nightmare. Oh poor me, getting paid to do an easy job that I love, when millions of people would love a job right now.
But this is about emotions, not money.
And this past year has been the worst year of my life so far.
By leaps and bounds.
I was just sitting in the bath and I couldn't believe that I have only 'been out' 3 times this past academic year.
3 times since April.
That is fcked up.
But I have been strong enough to get through it.
I switched off.
I totally switched off.
Such a waste of my smile, such a waste of the good company I often provide.
Gah, fck this year.
Still, I will be richer, not poorer, and hopefully I will live for a few more years, enough years to never regret either 2008 or 2011.
Anyway, blah.
Not long to go.
From the morrow, I am embarking upon a regime to get myself fit, both mentally and physically, before departure.
I'm going to Duder my life.
I'm going to start running.
Bwhahahaha.
90 seconds walking.
60 seconds running.
For twenty minutes.
Around Tai Chi Kant Pond.
From tomorrow.
I'm also going to do standing push-ups whenever I see a wall and nobody is around.
I did some today. You can really feel your muscles responding in a good way.
Sod those push ups you do on the floor. Wall ones rock. Apparently, pirates do them.
OMG, this 'radio' thing is getting too much.
I just thought to myself, 'I am so fcking fat right now', and the radio said, 'FAT'.
Like wtf.
How did the word 'fat' slip into a broadcast about 'Alpine meadows in New Hampshire'.
I just don't get it.
Tigression.
I am not at all craving booze, like I needed it pre-winter vacation.
It's very strange, it's almost as if I'm possessed by a good spirit, pardon the pun, who wants to help fix me before departure, so that I can totally revel in my freedom.
I am going to get my atlas out and have a gander.
I feel like going somewhere I have never been before but I will probably go to Thailand first for a few weeks, just to decompress in familiar and friendly surroundings, and then use the cheap flights out of Bangkok to go somewhere. I fancy mountains. I might go to Tibet.
He can come and join me wherever I am, but I shall not rely on him to 'make plans' with me beforehand.
I cannot risk being let down again.
I have to retain control of this very important turning point in my life.
I cannot afford to be as miserable as I became in the first few months of retiring in 2009.
Those months were hell for me.
I was so terribly sad, I felt so terribly empty, so much so that I didn't even bother to take my camera with me when I did the visa run down to Malaysia.
Oh no, not again. It's the radio thing.
I just thought to myself, 'How absurd, Maria, that you left your camera at Sananwan, you, who loves taking photos of just about everything', and the radio said, 'absurd'. Wtf.
Anyway, blah.
I'm going to watch War Horse.
I started watching it last night but passed out almost immediately.
I don't have jet lag anymore but I am exhausted merely from thinking about my future.
Oh, cry me a koi pond.
By the way, there was a really powerful sudden single jolt this morning.
I froze in my bed. Waiting for more shakes to come.
But it was just the one jolt. A sideways jolt.
Strange.
4 comments:
Running/walking sounds like a very fine choice! Over the holidays I gained about three kilograms (but not entirely sure as I don't own a scale, based on clothing fit), which I lost by running four days in a row. It's the best thing for cardio health and, for me, mental health. Running clears my head and I make some pretty impressive revelations while under the influence of pounding feet and rhythmic breathing. Ipod helps tremendously ;)
I started out basically the same as you described too. Power to you! You'll feel amazing in no time.
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/quakes_all.php
Hey, if you need someone to spot that ample bosom while doing wall presses, I could give you a hand(s).
Yay!!! I hope you do give it a go. Good on ya. :)
Does wonders for spending too much time in one's head also, which is why I run marathons for "fun".
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