I think I think more about things when I leave Residence Kant, than when I stay inside playing the 'Which Road To Take?' come March game.
I guess I won't know until the winter vacation, and even then I feel stressed about it, thinking, 'Oh fck, what if I go over there - yeah he loves me and blah blah - but once again he fails to ask me to marry him. Then I have lost 3 weeks of fun, which would mean that this entire year will have been a fcking waste of time, apart from earning $222 a day. Which is why I am trying to get him to come over for a week or 10 days towards the end of this month. So we can deal with any residue bs and then Christmas will be certain and dreamy and I won't have to dread anything, because I bloody well want MY VACATION to be a happy time.
I guess I have to take this chance though. There's something there, if there wasn't, I wouldn't even be thinking about this guy.
I'm not like that.
I've never needed another to make my life mean something. Just buckets of neglected leaves.
So anyway, I have to give it one more try, but if he doesn't propose, fck it.
That's it.
And if I am miserable at any point during the 'visit', then I will just go south to Mexico, and check on the boat.
Indeed, even if it all works out, I reckon we don't even need the truck, we can take a vacation down there for a week maybe, and go top up my batteries, take the bus, the bus is great. Going by truck, I have to stay awake, by bus, we can sleep.
I'm so lucky to have these options in my life.
This is why I fell so hard, because I was never just tiptoeing around life, I was in it, making it happen, and always dreaming big things, regardless of whether I was with another person or not.
You might think I cry into the Koi Pond a bit too much this year, but just remember that I'm doing a very strong backstroke whilst in it, that I'm not drowning, far from it, I am merely trying to figure out the best way to get to the other side, without swallowing too much water along the way.
So, big things on the horizon.
I truly hope he realises that I will want to hear 'Darling, will you marry me?' during the first few days of our getting back together again, indeed, I'd prefer hours, or it's all gonna be fcked, just like it was fcked in Turkey this year.
He's a wonderful man, believe me, and I do love him.
But I also want to be happy. Enough of this bullshit.
If it doesn't work out, the this year will become one of the best decisions I ever made.
If it does work out, then I just have to bury all the rare Japanese wading birds once and for all.
I tigressed.
I meant to talk about my day.
I'm tired now though.
Gonna have a coffee enema to prove that having them in the evenings doesn't stop you from sleeping, followed by a lingering bath.
 |
| You can flip the seats so that they face the same way, or have them like this and pretend you have friends |
I guess I won't know until the winter vacation, and even then I feel stressed about it, thinking, 'Oh fck, what if I go over there - yeah he loves me and blah blah - but once again he fails to ask me to marry him. Then I have lost 3 weeks of fun, which would mean that this entire year will have been a fcking waste of time, apart from earning $222 a day. Which is why I am trying to get him to come over for a week or 10 days towards the end of this month. So we can deal with any residue bs and then Christmas will be certain and dreamy and I won't have to dread anything, because I bloody well want MY VACATION to be a happy time.
 |
| Snack things you have at 'wine tastings' according to the bag. Cheap at 88 yen. |
I guess I have to take this chance though. There's something there, if there wasn't, I wouldn't even be thinking about this guy.
I'm not like that.
I've never needed another to make my life mean something. Just buckets of neglected leaves.
 |
| A forgotten bucket at a forgotten temple |
So anyway, I have to give it one more try, but if he doesn't propose, fck it.
That's it.
And if I am miserable at any point during the 'visit', then I will just go south to Mexico, and check on the boat.
 |
| Lunch today with all my friends |
Indeed, even if it all works out, I reckon we don't even need the truck, we can take a vacation down there for a week maybe, and go top up my batteries, take the bus, the bus is great. Going by truck, I have to stay awake, by bus, we can sleep.
I'm so lucky to have these options in my life.
This is why I fell so hard, because I was never just tiptoeing around life, I was in it, making it happen, and always dreaming big things, regardless of whether I was with another person or not.
 |
| Dinner tonight. Thai Red Curry |
You might think I cry into the Koi Pond a bit too much this year, but just remember that I'm doing a very strong backstroke whilst in it, that I'm not drowning, far from it, I am merely trying to figure out the best way to get to the other side, without swallowing too much water along the way.
 |
| I couldn't resist buying these boots today. They cost only a little more than a bottle of wine, and a third less than the African liquor below. |
I truly hope he realises that I will want to hear 'Darling, will you marry me?' during the first few days of our getting back together again, indeed, I'd prefer hours, or it's all gonna be fcked, just like it was fcked in Turkey this year.
He's a wonderful man, believe me, and I do love him.
But I also want to be happy. Enough of this bullshit.
If it doesn't work out, the this year will become one of the best decisions I ever made.
If it does work out, then I just have to bury all the rare Japanese wading birds once and for all.
I tigressed.
I meant to talk about my day.
I'm tired now though.
Gonna have a coffee enema to prove that having them in the evenings doesn't stop you from sleeping, followed by a lingering bath.
3 comments:
Nice boots!!! I need new black ones and I'm not going to skrimp on them this year. I want some that will last. I may go for the Uggs.
Why don't YOU ask HIM to marry YOU?
I didn't take you for some 19th century maiden, Perkins.
I agree with R. No offense to present company, but guys can be pretty dense sometimes. They don't read between the lines or read minds the way us females do. Just tell him that you want to be married to HIM and then wait to see what he says.
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