I wake up and my mind feels spent, even though I had a deep sleep.
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| I won't be sleeping on this again. Not after it blew off last year. Thank god Little Ted wasn't on it at the time. |
Regrettably, I have a lot of bitterness inside (about 97% cocoa), so much so that a lot rides on this winter being perfect or I just can't/won't handle it.
It seems like a lot to ask for but this year has been a lot to deal with.
As was 2008.
And this is the reason why I wanted to see him for a week before Christmas, for a very good reason, so that I could fully purge the crap that is bottled up inside of me, so that the 'new start' can happen without the old shit lurking beneath the surface. No amount of enemas have helped me get rid of it so far.
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| Even kants have fire extinguishers on board |
Alas, decompression before the trip didn't happen, so instead I am left feeling burdened with aged bitterness and just hope that I can control it.
I hate the feeling.
It eats me up and leaves me feeling exhausted.
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| My bell, bought from a ship called Hot Toddy, for $20. |
I almost feel that what I'm going to need after this year, is at least one year just hanging out on the boat, doing nothing but fixing, day sailing, reading, slothing, totally embracing every single second of freedom for the beautiful thing that it is. I don't know if I can do much more than that, but we shall see, we shall see if love shall conquer sloth this coming winter and go from there.
Do we have to go through unpleasant periods in our lives to enable us to hone in on what we really want out of life? I think we do.
I was heartened and uplifted yesterday when I saw my orbs in a photo. The air is really dry right now, there was no bath running, no water in the bath, there was no moisture whatsoever in da 'hood, and yet there they were.
Check 'em out.
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| There are two. Just above the blank lamp in the right of the photo. |
Unless they are Mr and Mrs Glim Leaper.
I know this sounds New Age- ee, and I am not New Age, I am an out and proud kant, but there is something about sensing energy around my life, and always has been, even as a kid, lying on the grass, watching foxgloves sway in the breeze, I felt it.
I mean who gets to see their grandfather dead, in the exact place he wound up dying, before he was dead? (In the bath, by the way)
Folks like me, that's who.
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| I love this bed and I love the brushed cotton blue/white sheet I bought for $2. |
I know that my future holds total happiness - unless I get sick or die young - so I am not worried about my future life in any way, shape or out-of-this-world form.
I have it all - apart from lacking Trophy Wife Looks - and I feel good about myself, about most of the decisions I have made in life so far, and so on, I won't go on, you've heard this crap before.
I just hope I can control the 97% Venezuelan in me.
That things go so well that it gets zapped for good, this white Japanese rare bird with skinny legs stuff.
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| On the good ship Kaizen. Must write to them today. |
The ribs look and smell absolutely mouthwatering.
Along with the papaya, I added half a French Pear and some winch grease.
The other day I scored 3 French Pears and a good quality 'seedless' Persimmon in the bargain section of a supermarket.
I was holding the pears and persimmon - they were in the same package - and this eccentric looking Japanese man came over - he must have been either an architect, an artist, a coffee shop owner where they roast their own beans, or homeless - because he had a moustache and a beard.
Anyway, the pear/persimmon deal was really good - just 150 yen - and he knew this and I think he wanted them.
Anyway, here was our conversation, which started when I saw him eyeing up my pears and persimmons that I had just put in the trolley.
Me: I can't believe how cheap they are! I'm so lucky.
Him: Hmmm. Those ones in the other packet look better (he said, pointing at 4 persimmons)
Me: They look nice but this is a better deal because I get the pears, too.
Him: Yes, but check out the colour of those other persimmons. See how bright they are. They are perfectly ripe, too.
Me: I agree but I still want this packet because of the pears.
I am sure he wanted me to swap the packets and leave him with the pears.
It was so funny.
Well, for me it was funny, given that I live in my head most of the time this year.
Well, on that note, I shall get back to packing and looking forward to ribs, green beans and a beer for breakfast.
3 comments:
I could make a "looking forward to a big prick" joke here, but I believe you've more or less done it already.
My concerns are not that he is anything but a wonderful person. It is that I can no longer be close to another. This is my concern. He is my dream but sometimes I feel that I have gone beyond the dream stage and there's no going back.
But we shall see.
If we make it work, you will eventually get to meet him, and you will get on like a GRP boat on fire, believe me, he's pretty awesome.
Or you could be on about the cactus in the photo. I don't know with you.
Either way, I just want to make it clear that he's a very wonderful man, full of regret for so many things too, and I only hope that I am able to claw my way back to the dream stage.
I was actually making a penis joke related to what I hope is the rapidly approaching end of the monk phase.
Yeah, I usually go for the "nudge, nudge, wink, wink". Sometimes disguised as something else entirely.
Wasn't really about the man's character at all, unless his block and tackle are the most interesting bit of him, which you have led me to assume is not the case.
I'm sure he's a fine fellow I would love to meet, and as skipper you can tell him the road to promotion from cabin boy to first mate on AJ is an easy climb.
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