How can I live like this? In my own company 24/7 outside of school?
I'm obviously very messed up.
Or maybe this is a kind of hibernation from reality, not that my reality sucks, there are many people out there who'd love to work, would love the easy schedule I enjoy, would jump at the chance to live in Japan, to only have to pay 10,000 yen ($100) a month for rent, including all utilities, and I mean all.
I'm a lucky kant and I don't forget this and I guess that I'm working because if the love doesn't work out, and he loves me so much, and I love him, but I'm so fcked up now that I am not sure I can exist intimately with another again, but we shall see, well, if it doesn't work, then at least I have another chunk of savings to feed freedom with, but boy oh boy, this a tough period in my life, the gaping emptiness.
My joys have become simple joys, the deep Japanese baths, Podcasts on hundreds of different subjects, from stem cells and Black Death, to fission at Fukushima and airships, cosy sleeps with my hot water bottle, good food, nice wine, and so on. A distant memory of LSD.
I have also been using www.graboid.com (it's excellent for downloading movies and documentaries and very cheap) to fill up hard drives with good films and interesting documentaries. I downloaded about a dozen documentaries today and will watch Shark Water tonight.
I'm doing all this downloading because, once back in WW, sharing downloads of movies and whatnot is a nice thing to do. Saying that, I need to go and purchase a 2TB hard drive tomorrow because I'm running out of space and I don't want to have to delete Orphan Killer or Deep Throat.
So yah, here I am, with two hot water bottles (I found a rubber one in the house), a dram of Scotch, and a head that is in hibernation mode, hiding from itself, trying to justify living this year like this, sometimes thinking that I'm paying back some karma, that after this is over, I'll have a clean slate and nothing distressing will ever happen to me again.
Not that my life has been distressing, not compared to what many people on planet earth go through, I'm just spoilt, and I have a lot of free time in my life, so much free time, ergo, I get overly involved with conspiracy theories and rechargeable batteries.
Just ignore today's posts. I am obviously feeling barometrically low, regardless of the fact that I have a man who loves me very much. I think it's hormonal. I felt an egg begin its journey down the tube, and whilst I don't suffer from girlie stuff like USA or F.UK, I do get a bit weepy just before I have to get The Keeper out.
I'm obviously very messed up.
Or maybe this is a kind of hibernation from reality, not that my reality sucks, there are many people out there who'd love to work, would love the easy schedule I enjoy, would jump at the chance to live in Japan, to only have to pay 10,000 yen ($100) a month for rent, including all utilities, and I mean all.
I'm a lucky kant and I don't forget this and I guess that I'm working because if the love doesn't work out, and he loves me so much, and I love him, but I'm so fcked up now that I am not sure I can exist intimately with another again, but we shall see, well, if it doesn't work, then at least I have another chunk of savings to feed freedom with, but boy oh boy, this a tough period in my life, the gaping emptiness.
My joys have become simple joys, the deep Japanese baths, Podcasts on hundreds of different subjects, from stem cells and Black Death, to fission at Fukushima and airships, cosy sleeps with my hot water bottle, good food, nice wine, and so on. A distant memory of LSD.
I have also been using www.graboid.com (it's excellent for downloading movies and documentaries and very cheap) to fill up hard drives with good films and interesting documentaries. I downloaded about a dozen documentaries today and will watch Shark Water tonight.
I'm doing all this downloading because, once back in WW, sharing downloads of movies and whatnot is a nice thing to do. Saying that, I need to go and purchase a 2TB hard drive tomorrow because I'm running out of space and I don't want to have to delete Orphan Killer or Deep Throat.
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| The big $100 winch. SCORE! |
So yah, here I am, with two hot water bottles (I found a rubber one in the house), a dram of Scotch, and a head that is in hibernation mode, hiding from itself, trying to justify living this year like this, sometimes thinking that I'm paying back some karma, that after this is over, I'll have a clean slate and nothing distressing will ever happen to me again.
Not that my life has been distressing, not compared to what many people on planet earth go through, I'm just spoilt, and I have a lot of free time in my life, so much free time, ergo, I get overly involved with conspiracy theories and rechargeable batteries.
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