It's only 7:35am but already I've done some washing, poured myself a dram of dessert wine, got some coffee going, and have filled the crock pot with apples, pork loin, onions, sweet potatoes, apple cider vinegar, fresh rosemary and garlic.
I'm listening to The News Quiz - which I love - and that's about it really. Oh yeah, I sent some emails off, full of frustration that love has to be this difficult, but thank my lucky stars that I have a choice, that I have two roads I can choose from, because for many they are stuck on one road, even though they'd like to find an exit ramp and go somewhere else.
So far this year, by the November paycheck, I will have saved around 23,000 dollars.
I could have saved around 30k by now but I cannot give up the finer things in life, like wine.
I just can't do it.
Each bottle I buy, unless I get a wine box for $12, costs me between $6 and $9, which, believe it or not, is cheap in Japan.
I have found two excellent wines this year; the dessert wine for 590 yen (15% and very, very tasty) -cheap, nasty wine is usually this price, so this is a real deal- and a South African Pinotage, for 790 yen, which is also very, very cheap for an excellent wine. A good wine here is usually around 1300 yen.
I tigressed but the point was I would be a millionairess if I didn't like wine.
I prayed whilst shamefully pregnant that post-pregnant state I would continue to dislike alcohol.
I guess I didn't pray hard enough.
It was financially liberating to not want to drink, to have a total aversion to booze.
How odd.
How amazing the human body is.
Me, of all people, found booze vile. I truly am in awe of the human body.
I'm tigressing and have reminded myself how emotionally torrential this past two years have been, indeed, all the way into this year.
I tell myself, indeed, to say indeed again, I have started telling the students, 'I will be free soon. This is it for me.'
One kid yesterday said, 'You're gonna stop working at 43!!!!! Why??????????!!!!'
She said it in Japanese though.
I replied, 'Because obviously I'm spitting into the wind in Japan.'
Na, I said, 'Coz it's stupid to work till you are in your 60's.'
I continued to say, that even as a teen, I had found the concept of working until old to be a bit weird.
But you know all this. This is nothing new, the crap going on in my head all the time.
It keeps me going though.
It keeps me going that I will leave here, not as a person entering merely a world of leisure, but either as a person with a mission on the mocean, or as a person who has decided to make a life with another, albeit the latter doesn't seem to be getting very far, and unless I am certain that I will be happy, I would rather be alone, because I am a person with a mental strength that has been honed this past few years after having to deal with some imperfect storms, who is blessed to be free at such a young age, despite lacking the love of a family, despite being a mere English Teacher In Japan, or the old FILTH, that y'all know the meaning of so I won't bother spelling it out again. Woe is me. Not. I am fortunate in this life on earth. Very fortunate and just last night, whilst taking a lingering bath, I thought about the fact that even though I am emotionally tormented, at least I am fully engaged with living, with thinking about the world, with totally respecting Michael Jackson, having recently watched the documentary 'This Is It'.
I've lost my train of thought but the aroma coming from the kitchen is Five Star Cuisine.
Ron Paul.
Yesterday, via FB, I was informed that RP is a white supremacist so fck him.
However, after doing my own research, I discovered that he isn't a white supremacist.
I really wish people would dig deeper instead of lapping up the sheepdia.
Ron Paul ain't perfect, far from it, but he's the most perfect out of the lot and HE WILL BRING CHANGE.
Anybody prepared to take on the Federal Reserve is a hero to me.
Not that I'm gonna care.
I'm alright.
I'm in my twilight years.
I might have another 20 years left, if I am blessed. That's not long.
It's not like I'm a teen who is going to have to deal with this crazy world for the next 50 years.
I grew up in good times. I became free at the right time.
Thank you God.
I can live on a boat.
I can use the wind to move myself around the planet.
I can catch water or make water with a solar still.
I will be able to disconnect from the misery affecting millions because I didn't play computer games for hours each day instead of researching the candidates in the 2008 election, I didn't buy three cars on HP or invest in expensive bricks. If you are suffering now, it's probably because you didn't think twice about the decisions you made when 'times were good'. Or because you have a limited imagination and WTF, I think I've mentioned this before, but often, like really really often, the radio, which I listen to most of the time, says exactly what I am thinking at the time. And it just happened. The radio said, 'imagination'. WTF. ('You' means, 'everybody in the world', not necessarily 'you'.)
I tigressed.
If you don't have enough money to put food on the table, then look around, do you see any kids in your house? Did you have kids you couldn't really afford, even when times were good?
I'd have loved kids, really I would, I would have been a really cool mother, but I know that I would have had to sacrifice way too much of my own dreams because I wouldn't have had enough money to raise a kid and continue raising myself. So I didn't have a kid, even though I would have loved one.
There was an article recently about a couple who had 'retired at 43.'
They were a professional couple, not FILTH like what I is, and have 'retired', and have $30,000 a year to live on, 'which is tough', but they manage.
WTF. 30k a year!
But that's not the point I want to make, what I want to add is that 98% of the comments below this story were steeped in negativity, in bitterness. Nearly all of them said, 'Yeah, easy for them to do. They didn't have kids!! Try having kids and retiring at 43!!'
No comment.
I'm going to stay local today. I have a 3 day weekend. I'll go to the seaside tomorrow, try to catch up with The Sweepers, but today I will cycle willy-nilly around town because there's a town-wide Jazz Street Festival going on this weekend.
DISCLAIMER
Not that any of this matters. It's just one person and her life. I'm surprised people are even interested. We all have our own lives. I bleat on about d'is and d'at but how important is it? It's not. It's just me spending time at a computer keyboard. Pathetic really.
I'm listening to The News Quiz - which I love - and that's about it really. Oh yeah, I sent some emails off, full of frustration that love has to be this difficult, but thank my lucky stars that I have a choice, that I have two roads I can choose from, because for many they are stuck on one road, even though they'd like to find an exit ramp and go somewhere else.
 |
| Yesterday I bought two bell peppers for 40 cents each. I diced and froze them for a later date. Bell peppers are usually $2 each in Japan. |
So far this year, by the November paycheck, I will have saved around 23,000 dollars.
I could have saved around 30k by now but I cannot give up the finer things in life, like wine.
I just can't do it.
Each bottle I buy, unless I get a wine box for $12, costs me between $6 and $9, which, believe it or not, is cheap in Japan.
I have found two excellent wines this year; the dessert wine for 590 yen (15% and very, very tasty) -cheap, nasty wine is usually this price, so this is a real deal- and a South African Pinotage, for 790 yen, which is also very, very cheap for an excellent wine. A good wine here is usually around 1300 yen.
I tigressed but the point was I would be a millionairess if I didn't like wine.
I prayed whilst shamefully pregnant that post-pregnant state I would continue to dislike alcohol.
I guess I didn't pray hard enough.
It was financially liberating to not want to drink, to have a total aversion to booze.
How odd.
How amazing the human body is.
Me, of all people, found booze vile. I truly am in awe of the human body.
I'm tigressing and have reminded myself how emotionally torrential this past two years have been, indeed, all the way into this year.
 |
| Clouds in Turkey |
I tell myself, indeed, to say indeed again, I have started telling the students, 'I will be free soon. This is it for me.'
One kid yesterday said, 'You're gonna stop working at 43!!!!! Why??????????!!!!'
She said it in Japanese though.
I replied, 'Because obviously I'm spitting into the wind in Japan.'
Na, I said, 'Coz it's stupid to work till you are in your 60's.'
I continued to say, that even as a teen, I had found the concept of working until old to be a bit weird.
But you know all this. This is nothing new, the crap going on in my head all the time.
It keeps me going though.
 |
| I like flying |
It keeps me going that I will leave here, not as a person entering merely a world of leisure, but either as a person with a mission on the mocean, or as a person who has decided to make a life with another, albeit the latter doesn't seem to be getting very far, and unless I am certain that I will be happy, I would rather be alone, because I am a person with a mental strength that has been honed this past few years after having to deal with some imperfect storms, who is blessed to be free at such a young age, despite lacking the love of a family, despite being a mere English Teacher In Japan, or the old FILTH, that y'all know the meaning of so I won't bother spelling it out again. Woe is me. Not. I am fortunate in this life on earth. Very fortunate and just last night, whilst taking a lingering bath, I thought about the fact that even though I am emotionally tormented, at least I am fully engaged with living, with thinking about the world, with totally respecting Michael Jackson, having recently watched the documentary 'This Is It'.
I've lost my train of thought but the aroma coming from the kitchen is Five Star Cuisine.
Ron Paul.
Yesterday, via FB, I was informed that RP is a white supremacist so fck him.
However, after doing my own research, I discovered that he isn't a white supremacist.
I really wish people would dig deeper instead of lapping up the sheepdia.
Ron Paul ain't perfect, far from it, but he's the most perfect out of the lot and HE WILL BRING CHANGE.
Anybody prepared to take on the Federal Reserve is a hero to me.
Not that I'm gonna care.
I'm alright.
I'm in my twilight years.
I might have another 20 years left, if I am blessed. That's not long.
It's not like I'm a teen who is going to have to deal with this crazy world for the next 50 years.
I grew up in good times. I became free at the right time.
Thank you God.
I can live on a boat.
I can use the wind to move myself around the planet.
I can catch water or make water with a solar still.
I will be able to disconnect from the misery affecting millions because I didn't play computer games for hours each day instead of researching the candidates in the 2008 election, I didn't buy three cars on HP or invest in expensive bricks. If you are suffering now, it's probably because you didn't think twice about the decisions you made when 'times were good'. Or because you have a limited imagination and WTF, I think I've mentioned this before, but often, like really really often, the radio, which I listen to most of the time, says exactly what I am thinking at the time. And it just happened. The radio said, 'imagination'. WTF. ('You' means, 'everybody in the world', not necessarily 'you'.)
I tigressed.
If you don't have enough money to put food on the table, then look around, do you see any kids in your house? Did you have kids you couldn't really afford, even when times were good?
I'd have loved kids, really I would, I would have been a really cool mother, but I know that I would have had to sacrifice way too much of my own dreams because I wouldn't have had enough money to raise a kid and continue raising myself. So I didn't have a kid, even though I would have loved one.
There was an article recently about a couple who had 'retired at 43.'
They were a professional couple, not FILTH like what I is, and have 'retired', and have $30,000 a year to live on, 'which is tough', but they manage.
WTF. 30k a year!
But that's not the point I want to make, what I want to add is that 98% of the comments below this story were steeped in negativity, in bitterness. Nearly all of them said, 'Yeah, easy for them to do. They didn't have kids!! Try having kids and retiring at 43!!'
No comment.
I'm going to stay local today. I have a 3 day weekend. I'll go to the seaside tomorrow, try to catch up with The Sweepers, but today I will cycle willy-nilly around town because there's a town-wide Jazz Street Festival going on this weekend.
DISCLAIMER
Not that any of this matters. It's just one person and her life. I'm surprised people are even interested. We all have our own lives. I bleat on about d'is and d'at but how important is it? It's not. It's just me spending time at a computer keyboard. Pathetic really.
8 comments:
'Twas weird reading what you wrote about kids. I've always thought that I'd have been a good father if I'd had kids. A bit ironic really, being as I had my gonads partially severed when I was 32 ish. ...I also didn't want to make any sacrifices in order to have them (kids, not gonads). And yet it seems that so many people have kids and a) can't afford them and b) aren't good parents and c) should have been put down before they got to breeding age.
Nearest I ever came to having kids (or will ever) was when I had my four-legged furry friend. 8 weeks old she was when she came into my life. A little black and white bundle of fluff. She was lovely. Except when she deliberately knocked the christmas tree over to get to the chocolate decorations. Oh, and that time she ate the kitchen cupboard doors and worktops. Puppies eh?! Can't believe she was with me for over sixteen years and still miss her even though she died almost four years ago. Never fair is it. Or easy.
The answer to all of my rambling is sailing. Go sailing. While you still have the chance and your dreams are still alive.
Have a good weekend, M.
Hug
...I'm interested.
Awww. It's been 4 years already! Bless.
I am seriously thinking about getting a cat for the boat. Having a pet brings me so much joy, so much, it's hard to explain, but the days are just so much better with something fluffy around.
p.s I concur re: the breeding and how many breeders really shouldn't have bred, look miserable, have miserable looking kids and so on.
Well, I had one kid, at 40.
I think waiting helped to lend perspective, although in my more honest moments, I find myself being short-tempered and somewhat intolerant of his "kid" interests and priorities (mostly asking me questions related to comic-book physics and "what would make a better weapon"...this is a 10 year old who runs out of the room during Doctor Who episodes because they're "too intense!").
Anyway, the upside is that in a relatively short time, and if I don't kill myself in the process, he'll be a teenager on the ocean, instead of in a mall, and I hope that will give him a boost up in dealing with himself and his place on this messy orb. (not "orb")
Well, R, your kid is a very, very lucky kid. He's going to survive and come out the other side of childhood 'different', even if he doesn't realise that yet.
If I had had a kid, unless I'd met a rich guy, and that doesn't happen in the Far Out, I would not have been able give them the adventure I wanted for myself. You are a wise man and have obviously invested wisely and married well, so you can combine two things, giving your son a better upbringing than the average kid, and living out your dreams before 'official' retirement.
I could never have kids, I could never put another person through it all.
Always baffles me that people in the direst situations breed like bloody rabbits...
..but I'm weird of course.
Thanks, M., those are kind words.
Post a Comment